February 28, 2008 at 7:11 am (Uncategorized)
My new toy arrived today. When I got home I saw this big box leaning against my door and I thought, “What the….???” Then I remembered….
It’s red, it’s heavy, it’s powerful… It’s my Kitchen Aid Mixer!!
Can’t wait to test-drive it this weekend.
First order of business: A lemon-meringue pie. I want to see that baby whip up egg whites!!
Oh… I feel like a kid in kindergarten. 
February 27, 2008 at 9:39 am (Uncategorized)
Each of the many friends I’ve found through blogging has a special place in my heart because of the advice they give and the content of their blogs.
Today’s props go to Jen, who consistently has great quotes and poems on her blog. Each one of these quotes found an echo in my heart. I think they are really wise.
February 25, 2008 at 11:49 am (Love)
- My biggest virtue, according to my mom, is my capacity to love. Also according to her, it’s my biggest undoing, because it always makes me forgive and forgive and forgive, and therefore be vulnerable to being hurt again and again and again.
- I met the Engineer a full 10 years before we even got together. We were acquaintances until one night that we run into each other at a club at HCA. From our first date we had an amazing connection. When he kissed me for the first time, I knew I was done for; that if I had a relationship with this man, it would be one that would mark me. Then, after our first month together, I knew I was in love like I’d never been before.
Why do I tell you those two things? So you can understand the following:
That I’ve realized that what kept me moving forward was the feeling, the knowledge he didn’t love me. Now that he has said otherwise, my own love -that I thought had diminished- has come up to the surface and is very much alive and strong.
That while it’s hard to believe him, I can’t help but hope it’s true, and therefore, I’m shaken
That I would love to be a stronger woman, the type who knows when to turn the page and never waver, but that I know that I love him, with a force that frightens me, and therefore makes me hope.
That I wish I could just not share, shut up, mull and decide things on my own, be like my friends who don’t share their stuff of heartbreaks, so that if things improve, nobody hates the other person, which is what I feel everyone feels for the Engineer.
That before the Engineer called I was already mulling my relationship with the European over (I just hadn’t written about it here).
That now little things the European does that bother me, seem bigger.
That if the Engineer does do what he’s saying he will do, and he does win my heart’s trust again, I am afraid of what you, my readers, my friends and family, who’ve supported me and told me over and over again “you’re too good for him” would say if I went back to him*.
That I am afraid, even, of how you will react when you read this post; just like I’ve been afraid to tell my friends in person, or my mom over the phone.
That I know I would lose my dad’s support (which in itself is manipulative of him and the topic of another post)
That what I keep asking myself is, when you truly love, how many times do you forgive, and how foolish would I be if I did?
That I am terrified to make a mistake
That no matter how much I’ve tried not to, I love him, and that if he shows up at my door, I know I’m done for.
*P.S. Just so as we are clear, I’m not afraid of being judged. I’m afraid of disappointing people
February 24, 2008 at 2:21 am (Cooking)
In my in-box today:
“To: [My name]
From: Macy’s
Dear NSLW,
Thank you for your order of the KitchenAid® Artisan® 5- Qt. Stand Mixer. Color: Red
In Stock: Usually ships within 3 business days. Estimated arrival: 5-9 business days.”
Take that, Santa! Since you wouldn’t give it to me, I, as an independent, self-sustaining girl, got it for myself!
February 21, 2008 at 4:35 am (Uncategorized)
Guess who called?
Guess who said -through tears- that he has realized he made a mistake, that he loves me and can’t live without me? That he wants to come home to me, have babies with me, make me happy?
Guess who said he’s realized I was right in all I told him, the he asked too much of me without giving back? That he shouldn’t have let me go?
Guess who told me he was moving to NY to try to win me back, to start from scratch?
You guessed right.
And guess what I told him?
UPDATE: I came home from work to find one and a half dozen long-stemmed roses waiting for me at my door. Yup. He sent them.
I wish I could say that I am fine about all of this, unshaken, steady as a rock, but I’m not. You guys know that he was the love of my life. *Sigh*
February 18, 2008 at 2:04 pm (Basil)
Easy.
When, after coming home from a dinner and taking him on a walk (in which he doesn’t do anything) at 1am, he heads right into the bathroom.
How does this tell you he’s smart?
Because the bathroom is his “timeout” zone, where you send him whenever he misbehaves. The fact that he goes there by himself, tells you something’s amiss.
Sure enough, after walking into the bedroom, you discover that Mr. “I won’t go out while it’s raining” pooped in the house while you were gone. Knowing full well that he would be in trouble as soon as you discovered the deed, he went straight into the punishment, as if saying “F**ck it, I might as well go there myself and speed-up the process.”
Touching as this was, you still pulled him to the scene of the crime and went through the needed “bad dog!” routine, sending him, in the end, to the bathroom, where he is currently serving a 5-minute sentence.
Still, you are very proud that your dog puts himself in detention when he misbehaves.
February 17, 2008 at 7:48 am (Life, Love)
Daisy posted on her site a comment on this article, which I didn’t even know existed until she pointed it out.
The 5-page online article makes the case of “settling” for a man who will be a good husband and father. She goes on to explain that you need not worry about passion, physical attraction, or other details. When talking about what makes a good partner she says:
“What I long for in a marriage is that sense of having a partner in crime. Someone who knows your day-to-day trivia. Someone who both calls you on your bullshit and puts up with your quirks.” Later, she quotes a friend saying that a good man is one “who’s willing to be in the trenches with me“. The man the author tells us to find, is one that will give us women stability, if not passion.
I won’t bore you guys with a lot of thoughts, because Daisy herself does a good job explaining one of my main complaints against the article (the many assumptions the author makes). My allergy to the article is on two counts: First, how offensive it is for any man who would fall in the category of “men to settle for”. I bet nobody would like to feel they are second-grade choices sold as the best deal
Second, I think she has totally missed the point. What she calls settling, I would call growing up. In fact, many friends of mine and I have been talking about this. That with time, experience and growth, you realize that you don’t want the man who gave you passion and fire, but one that gives you peace. Realizing that, and choosing to therefore date men to whom years ago we wouldn’t have given the time of day to, IS growing up. It’s realizing that the things you wanted when you formed your ideas of marriage have to change because you are not perfect and you should not expect perfection from a partner.
Besides, I also believe the author is doing a disservice to women by telling them that finding a man who is a good husband and dad is a better choice than -unless I’m reading it wrong- finding a man who makes them feel loved. I can tell you from seeing this in my parents’ relationship: My dad sucked as a dad after the divorce when he was bitter against my mom. While married, however, my dad was the husband this woman wants us to find: He helped with the baby, supported my mom with me, was there. But because he did not love my mother and wasn’t faithful to her, she wasn’t happy. So. No matter how good a dad a man is and how good a husband he is because he helps you with the stroller and puts the kids to bed at night. If mom doesn’t feel loved, the marriage still sucks and the kids still feel it.
She fights the idea that we modern women want to have it all and says it’s not possible. I still believe it is. You just have to want an “all” that’s realistic and mature.
February 14, 2008 at 9:44 pm (Life)
Chocolates, roses, romantic dinners, cards. That’s Valentine’s Day for most people.
It’s also V-day, a movement that raises awareness of violence against women and girls, and that this year celebrates its 10th anniversary.
Anyone who has seen the Vagina Monologues has witnessed the power of its ending, when the audience is asked to stand up if they know someone who has been a victim of abuse, or if they themselves are survivors. Every time I’ve been to a performance, few people remained seated.
So while fighting violence against women is an every-day affair, today consider spending some money not on chocolates or roses but on donating to the movement. Also, if you do know someone who has been a victim, hug them even tighter today (or get hugged yourself if you are a survivor), to remind them that they are not forgotten and that they are not alone.
February 13, 2008 at 10:54 pm (Teaching)
For example, I know that there is a bulimic girl who uses the bathroom near the cafeteria. Several mornings, after breakfast, I’ve found the evidence. Having a very good friend who (at 31 and with two kids) still suffers from bulimia, I know what a painful situation it is and how difficult it is to shake it. I’d like to know who this student is, hug her and tell her there are ways to help her with it and that she can overcome it.
However, what has been on my mind the most, is an issue with one of my own students, with whom I bonded almost instantly. Ellie is drop-dead gorgeous. At 16, she is tall, blonde, blue eyed, curvy. She’s also a very, very smart and funny lady. She could easily have lots of dates. But no. As it happens, she is hung up on a boy. All of us who survived high school know that first-loves and break-ups and heart breaks are part of the process of growing up. She, however, has just started to go through it, and is distraught.
Is it that we overcompensate a family deficiency by trying to find someone who loves us? Is it that somewhere in our past we were told we were not good enough, so therefore we settle for less because, heck, we’re not worth that much anyways? I don’t know. I know, though, that it took me 15 years to learn how to de-program. To demand more, to know that I deserve more. I have to remind myself every day that I deserve all the love in the world. That I do not have to settle for less than what my heart beats for.
I do not want Ellie to take that long. I want her to move on from this and find out that boy or no boy, she’s awesome and that one day she’ll find someone who will love her and not make her cry. That along the way she will still probably meet more jerks, but that she need not have to suffer for something that ultimately is not good for her.
And I’d also like to know where or to whom I complain about having been played the tape that told me I should put up with less.
February 13, 2008 at 7:31 am (Basil, Life)
… and whiskers on kittens Basil
Sunsets on beaches and sand in my toes
Friends who drive up just to sit next to you
These are a few of my favorite things.
Dulce de leche and mom’s chocolate cake
Pad Thai, green chiles and cheesecake with sauce
Dark chocolate brownies sprinkled with mint
These are a few of my favorite things
Retro-style clothing and vintage short dresses
Books that enchant you a 1000 times over
Basil’s reaction to his very own farts
These are a few of my favorite things…
When the dog bites day sucks
When the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad
 | san on Sigh |
 | jenmata on Sigh |
| san on See spot, panic |
 | Ulli on Happy Anniversary/Birthda… |
| san on Here or there |
