Between school being back in session, and a busy social weekend, I’ve been exhausted and things have been crazy. There’s tons to tell, kids, so instead of blow-by-blow accounts, I’ll do a recap of “noteworthy” items of the last ten days.
At least I wasn’t the only one who saw the danger
Three of my mom’s best friends live here in the US, and they are my surrogate “moms” – I call them “aunts” – who look after me, offer me their homes for holidays, and are constantly attempting to find me boyfriends or potential husbands (something my mom doesn’t do, thankfully!). One such aunt called me last week. We’d lost touch and hadn’t talked in forever. Part of it had to do with the fact that -as life would have it- her sister is the Engineer’s godmother. I didn’t know this until about 2 years into my relationship, when things were already bumpy and I figured I’d better not talk to my “aunt” about the Engineer.
A few nights ago she called me and opened her heart: “About your relationship with that boy… Can I be honest? When my sister told me about it, I was so scared for you. Don’t get me wrong, I know he is a very nice boy, my sister really loves him, but…. Well, you know his family situation right now, he’s completely sucked in by all those problems, and the mom… The mom is super attached to him and all I could think was how bad you would have it if you married him. He would never have put you in the place you deserve, his mom is always first. I was so relieved when I heard you broke up. I mean, even my sister told me: ‘I feel bad for the girl, I heard she is really great… But Engineer is not a good partner right now’”
Hm. Saying that I’m glad I’m out of that mess doesn’t even explain it. I also saw those things, but tried to ignore them, until I couldn’t.
My dad and I may have problems sometimes, but he still has my back
I call my dad on Sundays. He is not a phone person, so our calls are usually short, which is fine by me. Our relationship has been steadily improving since we started talking again after our fallout last year (recapped here), especially since I think he has noticed that by pouting he achieves nothing. At any rate, I told him about the fact that I’m moving on from the Engineer and there’s a certain European in the horizon.
Going into convo mode, you should know the following: “the ghost” is my dad’s name for my mom (I know, I know), and I try to not talk to my dad about my mom and Stepdad, for obvious reasons. Finally, the italics are my thoughts.
Me: So, I’m kinda seeing someone.
Dad: I know, your brother told me
Me: (aha, little blabbermouth!) Oh. Well, it’s been almost a month that I’m seeing him.
Dad: Did the ghost meet him?
Me: No. The quickest way to scare a man is to introduce him to your mom two weeks into dating. Plus, I wasn’t going to let him meet Stepdad, with the mood he was in. (ohhh f*ck!)
Dad: What do you mean? What mood?
Me: (oh well, at some point he’s gonna have to find out) Oh, nothing. I get along with Stepdad, but on small amounts, so 10 days of vacation were difficult. I care for him, but we don’t see eye to eye, which leads to discussions.
Dad: Why do you care for him?
Me: (oh, daddy is jealous!) I mean, you know, you share meals, a life with someone, you grow to care for them. That’s all. But I have little patience for his bad moods, he sometimes barks at me and he did it this vacation.
Dad: What did your mother do when he barked at you?
Me: (half-lying) Oh, she wasn’t there, but she has my back
Dad: (angry grunt). He needs to know you bark back and it’s not OK to bark at you. Hmmmpfff.
Heehee… With all his bad moods, my dad is cute when he defends me.
Honesty really is the best policy
The European has been a sweetheart, we saw each other last week for four days straight, going on dates and to dinner with our friends. On Saturday, we talked.
I was super honest, but concise, I didn’t want to talk about the Engineer, but about where I am right now. I told him I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone, let alone anyone that would interest me enough to make me take a step forward, 4 months after my “divorce”. I told him I liked him, but that I was scared and needed to take things slow. He looked at me and said, “that’s a lot like where I am and I am happy to take it slow”
What you guys don’t know is that he also went through a break-up around the time I went through mine, so both our hearts are on the mend and we didn’t want necessarily to find anyone. So we talked about not wanting to be the other one’s rebound and how, because we really like each other we want to thread lightly.
I have always had the problem of being too guarded when I start a relationship. I’m always too afraid to be hurt. Then, once I trust, I open up too much and eventually get hurt. One thing I’ve been working on is knowing how to find a balance. The talk with the European was definitely a step in the right direction and I have to say I feel very relaxed.
So that’s it…. and it’s the short version!
