In Pursuit of Wholeness

5:50 am: Wake up with mom’s alarm. WTF? Why on earth can’t we just keep sleeping? Oh, good. She’s hit the snooze button.

6:05 am: Groggily follow mom to bathroom. She keeps telling me to stay in bed, but you never know, she might escape somehow, so I need to keep an eye out for her.

6: 06 am: Change my mind as soon as she turns on the shower. One cannot trust her. There are times the shower is not for her but for me. To be on the safe side, I return to bed.

6:30 am: Make my way to the kitchen, where mom has just served breakfast. What? Beneful again?! No. I’m not eating this one more time. If I beg, I might get something better, so I go beg for slices of fruit.

6:31 am: She caves in! I love that she’s a push-over. Now if I can get some of that chocolate flavored Silk milk… No. That I don’t get. I sigh deeply to show how badly mistreated I feel.

6:45 am: Walk time! Pretend I’ve never used the leash and don’t care for it. Mom lets me walk down the hall leash-less. Just when I’m thinking today is the day I get to walk out by myself, she stops me and leashes me. Damn.

6:50-7:10 am: Walk around neighborhood, leave calling card everywhere. Make sure to tell those big dogs by the public school that I can take them on any time they want, should they try to do something to my mom. The lunging and growling earn me a scolding from her. Fine. I won’t do it again. Until tomorrow.

7:12 am: Back at home. Resist mom’s attempts to wipe my paws. She succeeds anyway. Hate, hate, hate that! Make sure to sigh continuously until she’s done.

7:15 am: Get treat. Having finished chewing, I look for mom. She’s gone. Must’ve happened as I was chewing. I vaguely remember her telling me to behave. I lose track of everything when eating a Greenie. Come to think of it…. Where’s the rest of the bag? Maybe I can raid it again. Nope. She’s put it away. Sneaky woman!

7:20 am: Return to kitchen and eat my breakfast. But this is the last time I do it! Wash food down with water. I don’t get why mom calls me a camel. It’s not like I drink the whole bowl in one sitting. Never mind. I do drink a lot. Hehe… This means a longer walk tonight….

7:25 am: Settle on my bed in the kitchen. I like it there because the sun hits it.

12 noon: Move to mom’s mattress on the floor (Hello! IKEA! Deliver our bed, please!). Mess up her blanket, coil on top of her pillow as my ultimate show of defiance, because I know she doesn’t like it.

2pm: Change position on bed, fill bed cover with hair.

4pm: Mom arrives. Being the king of the house, I just sit on the bed wagging my tail as she comes to greet me. She’s so happy to see me she doesn’t scold me for sleeping on her pillow. Score for me!

4:10-5pm: Go on long walk to nearby park. Chase squirrels, bark at pigeons. Decide to not pick fights with other dogs, as it may distract me from harassing squirrels, specially the black one who lives by the park gates. On the way back, mom tells me again this is her favorite time of the day: Walking with me, having time to relax. To make sure to let her know it’s my favorite time too, I behave marvelously for the rest of the walk.

6pm: Dinner is served. Fine. Fine!! I’ll eat this Beneful thing again. It’s only because the walk made me hungry and there’s nothing else to eat around here.

6:10 pm: Fight mom’s attempts at giving me my medicine. The first time I pretend to swallow it but throw it out once she turns around. The second time I move it to my cheek and let it fall through the side of my mouth. Exasperated, mom shoves it down my throat. Ack!

6:15 pm: Play fetch with mom. She throws the ball, I go get it and then she fetches it from me, as I do not return to her. I like this version better. She does all the work!

7 pm: Settle on mom’s bed again, fill it with more hair. Wait for her to finish working on the computer.

11 pm: Mom de-hairs her bed, gets in. I move closer to her and make sure to shake a lot so my hair falls on the covers again. Like every night, I settle next to her face, with my butt against it. Like every night, she flips me over telling me she doesn’t want close-up farts.

11:10 pm: We both stare at the ceiling annoyed when the upstairs neighbor -as always- stomps around. Before falling asleep, she kisses me and thanks me for keeping her company and making her laugh. Just for that, I’ll eat my Beneful tomorrow morning.

*For the record, the “best dog ever” statement is not my immodest opinion. It’s what mom thinks. I’m just content doing my best.