In Pursuit of Wholeness

but I’m thinking about going back to grad school.

I know, I know, I just went through hell. But I’ve been thinking about the fact that the problem wasn’t me and grad school. I know it was me and the program I was attending, and, perhaps even, the field in which I was.

I’m not jumping into anything. I will think about this thoroughly and deeply, I will start looking into places and programs, and I will get more details on the field I’d switch to. If I stay on the one I’ve been in, I’ll investigate what place would be a better fit for me. If I switch, it’s not a field too far away from the one I was in, and one in which I’ve worked a bit before. I just would have to do a lot of preparation to be really competitive if I decide to apply.

So the plan for this year is keep working, do some research on the grad school options and then decide what I’m doing. I’m in no position to apply to places for next year, so this is probably a bit of long-term plan (2-3 years down the road) if I do it at all.

Hmm… So much to think about… But I accept the challenge.

According to this survey

I’m a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You’re not subtle, but you don’t want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you’re a raging bull.

(Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz)

Ummm…. Really? I answered the questions truthfully, but I don’t think I’m a “raging bull”, nor do I think my personality is one of wanting people to get out of the way… Actually, being such a nurturer, I want people to stay, get comfy and… what do they want to eat?

But whatever. It IS a Lamborghini, after all… And you know how I love the Italian language, food, etc… So it is fitting that I should be an Italian car…

My thanks go to Jen for the idea of taking the sports car test.

Yes. I’m blogging from work. Bad, bad teacher. Whatever. I have to share with the world what’s happened.

For those of you who might not know, the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah -the New Year- was celebrated this past Thursday and Friday. That meant that schools in the New York area were closed and that yours truly had a long weekend.

I cleaned the apartment, picked up the dry-cleaning, ironed all my shirts and pants (except for the one I wanted to wear today, of course) and even got semi-organized on my lesson planning.

Upon my return to work today, I discovered that I was not the only one who had kept busy during the break. A printer appeared on my shelf, so it looks like the tech support people came into my office. Judging from the chewed-through oatmeal and cookies bags, it appears that some mice were in my office too. And they chewed through my breakfast items which I’d bought with my hard-earned money, leaving only my teas and my fiber pills intact. They also left me presents: Poop all over my shelf. DIS-GUS-TING.

I first thought it was some sort of insect, but my office mate informed me it was mice.

Isn’t that nice? We have mice in the building. You’d think that a school that has to pass health inspections and such would not have this issue, but we do. Obviously. Of all the things they told us during orientation, food issues were not one of them: “Don’t leave valuables, don’t leave lights on, don’t leave doors unlocked”. Nobody said, “don’t leave food out”. Now, thanks to the mice, I’ve learned my lesson.

Tomorrow I’m bringing Clorox, I’m deep cleaning my shelf and desk and I am NEVER, EVER leaving food out again. Yuck.

There’s a “No Whining Zone” sign at the school where I teach. Thankfully, it does not apply to my house -or to me- tonight. So I’m going to whine:

It’s Saturday night. Saturday the 15th of September. The night when Mexicans celebrate the Grito, the call for Independence. It’s a night for us Mexicans to celebrate. And I’m at home.

There’s a party, oh yes, a Mexican party. But I have no one to go with. I’d go alone if I knew I’d run into friends there, but sadly, the only two people who I’m sure will be there were kind of asses to me the last time I saw them, so it’s not like I’m super keen on seeing them. And they’re recently married, so they’ll be in couple’s land anyways.

I’ve gone over it in my head several times. Getting in a cab, going there, counting on maybe running into someone. Or maybe making new friends, hanging out at the bar. But the truth is, I just am a wuz and won’t go alone. Maybe I just don’t have the guts, or maybe it’s the fact that where I come from, girls who go alone to parties don’t look too good. And I’m being stupid enough to agree.

It’s not like I have no friends. It’s just that everyone else either had other stuff going on (either with another group of people or with their significant other) so nobody really wanted/could come with. This normally would not be a big deal, since I like to stay in most of the time. But tonight was special. It’s the Mexican Independence, people! Plus, I’ve been feeling kind of lonely, trying to fight the inner voices of my head (Insecurity: “You’ll end up alone! You’ll never meet anyone special if you don’t go out! vs. Logic: “You’ll find someone and if you don’t, it’s not the end of the world!”). So I thought going out would help. But I just cannot do it alone.

Oh well. Maybe another day.